Choose love in every moment. When we step out of our constantly busy, analysing, fear driven minds and drop into our hearts, life flows with more fun and ease and we get to experience greater love, fulfillment and happiness, every step of the way. Our cup becomes suitably full!
Choosing love in every moment is about nurturing an ever flowing, eternal wellspring of unconditional patience, compassion, forgiveness and gentle kindness. When we drop into this awareness, we realise that at the very core of our nature we are one and the same; each a single, precious vulnerable human being yearning to be loved, accepted and feeling like we belong. To essentially – ‘be enough with who we are’.
The journey from the head to the heart
The journey from the head to the heart is not necessarily an easy one, but it will lead you to a place that you will want to call home for the rest of your life. A home that is perfectly imperfect.
During my time in private practise as a holistic occupational therapist and integrative wellness practitioner, more and more of my clients were coming to me wanting to take this journey. The courageous bold journey that pulls them out of their constantly busy, doubting, self-analysing, fearful minds and into the flowing, loving comfort of the heart.
I have noticed over the years on an individual and collective level there is a potent human longing to heal a loneliness, a separateness, an imprisoned disconnection with self and others. Well renowned psychologist and psycho-analyst Carl Jung described this as our collective unconscious.
More recently, it seems, there is an accelerated shift. Our current planetary climate appears to be super charged by this collective human longing to shed an innate sense of disconnection and separateness. There is a shift sweeping through our human psyche to move towards a greater sense of wholeness, belonging, and true and deeper connections with those around us. Essentially, to love and be loved. Love is winning!
Take a look at the state of our social media platforms, the internet, the themes dominating our media and television programs, the online networks, and the plethora of online dating sites – millions of humans just trying to make a connection, and feel like they are loved, accepted and that they belong. Its pretty simple. Humans are wired for connection. Its in our DNA. So why have so many abandoned their true nature and struggle to feel happy, connected and fulfilled? Perhaps they have chosen to live from their minds instead of their hearts? From a place of fear instead of love?
Love, fulfillment and wholeness is an internal job
When we can let go of the mind’s idea that fulfillment, love and wholeness is something we attain outside of us and realise it is eagerly waiting to be unearthed from within: this is the path to true happiness.
For so long I searched for love, wholeness and acceptance from sources external to me, constantly hoping and wishing that my experiences, my projects, my work, my health regimes and the people I loved and cared about so deeply would give me all that I needed and yearned for. That my bucket would be adequately filled by projects and external stuff outside of myself and that I would eventually become whole and fulfilled by drawing on these sources (sometimes with great urgency and frustration). Oh my! I was way off-the-mark with this one, and like so many lessons in my life, I had to learn this one the hard way.
It wasn’t until I reached rock bottom in my life that I realised I was barking up the wrong tree, and the tree I was barking up, had fear, disappointment and heartache written all over it. I was on a one-way street to constant non-fulfillment, and the seams of my ‘externally-focused’ life had started to fray at the edges, big time. I was ready to burst, and eventually I did. I had to learn my biggest, juiciest, hardest lesson in all my life – to learn how to truly “let go” and to live whole heartedly, from a place of love instead of fear, in every aspect of my life. To let go of the wrestle with life, to let go of the need to be accepted by others, to let go of the constant push for self-advancement and to release my grasp on the never ending chase for that elusive holy grail. And after the extremely difficult and painful letting go process (it doesn’t have to be so hard by the way – my mind’s very strong fear-driven resistance made it tougher than what it had to be!) I did eventually learn how to put myself back together in a way that was wholesome, resilient and sustainable, and compassionately and lovingly heal the frayed edges of my life, so that I could live in a more healthy and self-fulfilled way.
There were a quite a few ‘blow out’ moments in my inner and outer world before I really started to get this and it was probably one of the most difficult and bumpy roads I have ever ventured down, but I did finally discover what it truly means to ‘let go and let love’. When we let go and let love, we get to witness love in action. What is meant to stay will stay, what is meant to go will go. What remains is meant to be. When we live our life in this way – true contentment and fulfillment becomes our new way of being.
The constant desire for more
We live in a consumer driven culture of instant gratification and external-advancement. People are constantly searching for more, but never truly feeling satisfied. More wealth, more health, more self-improvement, more things, more fun, more thrills, more pleasure, more sex, more alcohol, more drugs, more food, more perfection, and more “love” – and its often the unrealistic Hollywood fairy tale type of love that the blockbuster movies or trashy reality shows splash over our television screens, or an ego motivated love constructed from the human mind full of idealistic expectations and ‘what’s in it for me’ and ‘how can I get my needs met’, type of attitude.
No matter if its material possessions, mind numbing alcohol or drugs, or unrealistic romantic love full of expectations and hype, more often than not, all of this searching for ‘more’ is purely an attempt to fill a void, heal a loneliness, feel more happy or band-aid over an internal pain or emotional suffering that they don’t want to feel anymore.
But none of this will provide true lasting fulfillment.
We are living in a consumer driven society that virtually drip feeds this perpetual feeling of not being satisfied and that we should always be looking for ‘more’. It literally convinces us through various media modes that we are not good enough – that our lives, bodies, or minds are essentially ‘broken needing fixing’, and I’ll charge you hundreds to thousands of dollars to fix your faults, insecurities and frailties thank you very much!! It is a money driven social conditioning that takes advantage of our feelings of inadequacy and feeds this constant desire for more. It totally sucks! It sucks both the life out of us (feeding this perpetual sense of inadequacy), and takes the money out of our pockets.
From a very young age we are taught to search outside ourselves to make us feel happy and fulfilled through material possessions, money, religion, gurus, partners, and even our kids. People are gripping, clinging, grasping and hanging on for dear life all the things they think are going to bring greater joy and happiness, chasing down and searching for that elusive Holy Grail in an attempt to attain more of the things they want and think they need to make them feel adequate, fulfilled, successful, or ‘enough’. But when we achieve the desired outcome, get to where our mind wants us to go, change our body shape, get that facelift, numb our body and mind with drugs or alcohol, eventually obtain the ‘thing’ or ‘experience’ that we have been longing for, it’s never quite enough. Our mind is already dissatisfied, searching for the next thing, the next hit, the next joy ride to try and fulfill the empty void within . It becomes a never ending stream of addictive unmet longing and a sure fire path to constant frustration and non-fulfillment.
But, this got me thinking…?
What if all this longing is just a call from within?
What if we could step out of our constantly striving, yearning minds for a moment and magnify what this longing is all about through the lens of the heart?
What if our human mind’s yearning for external things, external thrills, external bliss, external security, is just a call for more care, more compassion, more heartfelt kindness to give to ourselves and others?
What if this void that people are trying to fill through money, possessions, celebrity status, food, sex, drugs, alcohol, addictions is just a call for more love?
What if the answer to all this unmet longing is simple?
What if the answer is LOVE. True Love – for ourselves and others?
Fortunately, as life would have it, I was blessed with an opportunity to beam a burning torch light into my own heart’s core, unveiling the depths of the it’s innate intelligence. I took my own very personal journey from the head to the heart leading me down an extraordinary path to greater loving awareness.
Stuck, unfulfilled and exhausted…I was ready to chuck in the towel
After two solid years dedicated to healing my mind and body, I had come a long way. I had recovered from a myriad of unpleasant symptoms that had plagued me for most of my young adult life, and I was feeling the healthiest I had felt in a very long time. I was thoroughly enjoying this blissful re-connection to my inner vitality but somewhere into my health quest, things started to unravel. I started to become stuck, stagnant, and a deep unfounded yearning of feeling ‘not-whole’ crept its way into the cracks of my self-awareness. There was a void I hadn’t quite learnt how to fill.
Having healed from a whole host of unpleasant symptoms and illnesses I had reached a beautiful time in my life and there was a lot of things going right for me. But I just couldn’t ignore something eating away at my internal life, that was taking away the shine. It was an uneasy feeling. A feeling that something was missing.
Something in my internal world, buried in the deep subconscious levels of my mind was trying to make itself known to me. There was a burning inner voice within that was trying to tell me, ‘something is ajar, something is not quite right’.
It was so deeply buried in my subconscious that it was muffled, secretly encoded, unable to be cracked by my mind’s limited perception. I was frustrated, and I was confused.
Every time this feeling popped up into my awareness, I felt like I was failing. I felt like I was losing my health battle, slipping down the slippery slope of sickness again, losing my mojo, losing my spark.
I was spiraling downwards. I tried to convince myself that perhaps this was normal, part of every person’s journey, a bump in the road, a blip in the system that would go away if I just ignored it long enough. I started to tighten the reins on my health regime and gripped even tighter to my whole life fitness formula. But nothing was working. The harder I tried, the more exhausted I felt and I just couldn’t shake this feeling. The void inside kept gnawing away at me.
Disappointed and frustrated, I started to lose faith. I felt like my dreams and visions of making a difference in the world were coming to an end. I felt like true health and life-fulfillment was just a fantasy I had conjured up in my own head. I felt like my life was falling apart and crumbling away at the edges. I was ready to give up on the chase and throw in the towel.
And those old favourite fear driven questions came to haunt me once again, ’ What am I doing wrong? Why am I not enough? Why can’t I fix the problems in my life? Why don’t I feel completely fulfilled?
And it was these questions that opened the door to my own heart’s wisdom.
After a very painful and difficult letting go process where I literally felt like I was ‘dying a slow death’ of sorts, I met my edge, and I was forced to step out of my own way and stop letting my mind rule the show. And eventually (after much resistance from the fear driven ego mind) I dropped smack bang into the loving recesses of my own heart. And the answers came flooding in. It was simple. It was beautiful.
‘To truly be free, content, and happy in life, we need to to let go and choose love. To choose love in every….single….moment. Even when it makes you feel vulnerable and scares the heck out of you – choosing love is the only answer”.
Even though it felt like things were coming to an end in a lot of ways in my life, it was only just the beginning. The start of something beautiful. It was in this moment of clarity, that it dawned on me. It was a massive, life changing ‘aha’ moment.
What if the answer to all this push and yearning for ‘more’ is just a call from within?
What if this ‘thing’ that was missing in my life, was a call for ‘more loving awareness?’
In fact, what if the answer to all of life’s problems is love? To give love, to be love. Love for self, love for another human being, love for the present moment, love for mother earth, love for the darkness, love for the light. Love for the preciousness of life itself.
What if everything literally falls into place the moment we choose love, and keep choosing love, moment to moment to moment?
Every time we come across a self-perceived obstacle, or problem, or issue, or tension, or painful nuance, perhaps instead of resisting, avoiding, projecting, suppressing or fixing, all we need to say to ourselves is “What would love do?’… and whala!…the answer shows up.
My Big 4 ‘aha’ moments on my journey to greater loving awareness…
- Life is not meant to be band-aided over, patched up or fulfilled by external means.
Stop looking outside of yourself for the answers, or to make things better. Life is here to teach us to go within, to search inside of ourselves – to ultimately connect deeply with our own inner spirit, our essence, our heart’s core, and to find fulfillment, gratification and loving wisdom right here, right now, in this very moment. THIS is the true purpose of life’s challenges, struggles and messy experiences.
These struggles are merely here as sign posts directing us to our true destination – the ocean of loving awareness. When we get to discover this firsthand, life will never be experienced the same way again. Problems won’t seem like problems anymore. Obstacles won’t seem like obstacles. Pain wont feel like suffering. Heart break will feel like heart opening. All of life will appear as one perfectly imperfect experience, orchestrated for our own growth, expansion and ultimately an opportunity to go within and choose love in every moment.
2. Life wasn’t meant to be free from pain and struggles – we need to fully accept this (no wait, lovingly ’embrace’ this) to truly be free
(even though I had kinda figured this one out at a very young age, I still hadn’t learnt out how to truly accept and let go of the resistance to these struggles. This came way, way, way later)
I learnt to accept that real life is raw, unpredictable, imperfect and messy. No amount of external gratification, ego massaging, personal development or bliss seeking will take this away. Real life has phases of ecstasy, excitement and “I’m living the dream” moments where you feel like you can take on the world. In the next breath it can be contrasted by darkness, fragility, fear, isolation and hopelessness. My journey from the head to the heart has taught me that for true growth and evolution of the soul, we need to experience all of it.
And our loving relationships are often the same. Our loving relationships are often raw, unpredictable, imperfect and messy. True love wasn’t meant to be free from heartache and struggles. True lasting love will have phases of ecstasy, excitement and “I’m giddy with enlivened passion” moments. Other times it can be messy, intense, confusing, and frustrating, idling along like a slow burning piece of coal, waiting to be re-ignited with firey passion. But, it’s all beautiful and imperfect, just the way LIFE intended it to be. Much like the cycles of life, these are the cycles of love.
Embracing these cycles of love in our relationship allows us to endure the storms of life and allows True Love to reign in all its imperfect glory. It’s all here to bring greater growth and expansion and to guide us into a more Truthful place of loving awareness. True lasting love is a constant evolution of love, and we need to experience and embrace it all, to know and feel its True Beauty.
When we can let go of the perpetual yearning for ‘more’, or constantly looking for answers outside of ourselves, and look within to our heart’s core, this is the only answer for true fulfillment in all areas of our lives.
3. ‘Let go and let love’ is the only answer. When we let go…we make room for greater wisdom and gratitude to enter our field of knowing
The letting go process made room for a new awareness and deep gratitude to enter my being. Suddenly, everything started to make more sense when I learnt to let go and let flow. And through this ongoing process of expanded awareness, I am continually reminded that there is always something really beautiful in the mess. In the illuminating words of Leonard Cohen – “there is a crack, a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”. In other words, don’t be afraid of the frailties and cracks emerging, don’t resist the mess. Sometimes everything has to crack, break open and fall away for something more beautiful, resilient and breathtaking to emerge. Be brave. Be bold. Don’t be afraid to go there.
4. Surrender into your heart and choose love – moment to moment to moment…
I realised that to enter the gates of freedom and serenity, and to enjoy ultimate fulfillment in my work life, my professional life, my personal life, my family life and in my relationship, I had to step out of the grasping, fear filled mind, and surrender into my heart. To dive in head first exposing all my vulnerability and rawness to reveal the beauty and love that resides there. I realised that to live with greater freedom and wisdom, I had to surrender and choose to live from my heart, moment to moment to moment. And it was through this process of greater loving awareness that I awakened my heart to the True Beauty of my life.
Take these ‘aha’ moments into your own heart’s wisdom, and know that this is just the beginning! The beginning of something beautiful.
And just before I go, something I did want to share with you is my simple and life-changing gem of wisdom that cracks the code of emptiness, loneliness, and frustration, and frees us from that deep sense of non-fulfilment and exhaustion that so many of us struggle with at different times in our life .
And it is this,
‘Stop trying to control life, and let LIFE live through you. Drop into your open heart, surrender into the love and beauty that resides here and allow THIS to be the light that shows you the way forward’.
My wish is that you too realise the preciousness of life, the preciousness of who you are and open your heart to the beauty of your life.
When we start to give love, be love and practise self love from a tender place of vulnerability and compassion, life opens up beyond our wildest dreams.
When we surrender into the perfection of life we no longer have to live in fear of the unknown, we no longer have to search for more, or try to fill an empty void or cling to the ever changing flow of life.
Instead of obsessing about the ‘whys’ and ‘hows’ of what’s next, we can embrace life with an open curiosity, genuinely excited of the beautiful life that’s ahead of us.
With so much love